This year, I am 26 years old. As a woman, I feel more and more the changes that aging brings me. My conversations with my parents increasingly involve the topic of when to get married and when to have children. "You are not young anymore", they often tell me that, "Women are not like men, your golden age is about to pass". I know their worries are justified. The eggs in my body have been labeled with a shelf life from the beginning. Although the male body will also get old, in terms of fertility, time treats men more tolerantly than it treats women. With time passing by, I heard the sound of the biological clock is becoming more and more obvious. The sound is like a pan of sizzling oil, the longer the time, the higher the oil temperature, and the faster the sizzling sound. I feel the eggs in my body were like eggs on a frying pan. They will mature and grow old until they are burned to death. And I can't do anything to stop it.
Yes, aging is natural, and death is also natural. But to me, this "natural" is synonymous with "powerlessness." I can't fight it, and it makes me feel flustered and vulnerable.
So I created a speculum through which people can see the changes inside my body. Just like I saw on the hospital monitor during the gynecological examination. People can see my egg is changing and dying. And the only thing they can do is to wait, wait to witness the death of an egg, just like I can do. Through this work, I hope to show a life in my eyes, the life of a mortal, and the life of a woman.